September 16th, 2011

(no subject)

I don't check LJ very often these days, but lately I've been actively avoiding it. When the rape happened I made a concerted effort to not remember the date. I didn't want it to become yet another awful anniversary every year. But now I know that it's coming up to 12 months and I need to know. But I'm scared to know. 

I've been increasingly filled with terror at the impending autumn and winter. Too many awful associations. Lots of suicidal thoughts - can't bear another christmas. 

Ok I've looked. It was the 22nd. My first post here was the 24th, and the assault had happened 2 days earlier. Next Thursday, then.

Well, at least I know now.