victimstatus (victimstatus) wrote,

 It won't go away, it's all I can think about. Again. Well that, and dying.

I hoped that by doing the 'right' things and telling a few people almost straight away, that I would be able to shake this thing off quickly, but 8 and a bit months later he's infecting my whole existence.

I don't want it to be the thing that kills me. The thing that provokes my suicide. And I'm doing everything I can to avoid that, but the pull is so strong.

A few people know, I have some support, I'm doing everything I can. I don't want to let the bastard take me over again. He doesn't deserve to be the reason I die, and if only for that reason I'm determined not to do it. But the desire is so strong.

But I'm holding onto the determination to beat this, too.
Tags: rape, suicide

  • (no subject)

    I don't check LJ very often these days, but lately I've been actively avoiding it. When the rape happened I made a concerted effort to not…

  • (no subject)

    I freaked out yesterday. I had a back massage, and she was doing some really deep work on a series of big knots. It was painful, but nothing I…

  • (no subject)

    I've got through a few more days. I think this is how it will be for a while, so got to keep getting through them. I'm full of anger and rage. It's…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.