I hoped that by doing the 'right' things and telling a few people almost straight away, that I would be able to shake this thing off quickly, but 8 and a bit months later he's infecting my whole existence.
I don't want it to be the thing that kills me. The thing that provokes my suicide. And I'm doing everything I can to avoid that, but the pull is so strong.
A few people know, I have some support, I'm doing everything I can. I don't want to let the bastard take me over again. He doesn't deserve to be the reason I die, and if only for that reason I'm determined not to do it. But the desire is so strong.
But I'm holding onto the determination to beat this, too.